Humor Page
How Not To Draft Water
Choose Your Parking Spots Carefully
A Break In The Action
The fire tetrahedron consists of the following:
Heat, Oxygen, Fuel, Chief.
Take any of them away and the fire goes out.
A fire chief died and went to heaven.
When he got there he saw a long line waiting to get in to the pearly gates.
He told himself, "I am a fire chief, I'm not going to wait in line."
He went to the angels guarding the gates and said, "Let me in, I'm a fire chief."
The angels replied, "You'll have to wait in line like everyone else, sir."
While waiting at the back of the line he saw a sedan pull up with red lights and a man got out
wearing a white helmet that said "CHIEF." The angels popped to attention and let the chief enter heaven.
The waiting fire chief was really upset now and went to talk to the angels.
He asked, "Why did you let that fire chief go through and not me?"
To which the angels replied, "You have it all wrong, sir. That's GOD, he just thinks he's a fire chief."
The fireman climbs the ladder to the bedroom of a burning house, and there he finds a
curvaceous brunette, "Ah", he says, "you are the third pregnant girl I've rescued this month".
"But, I'm not pregnant!"
"You're not rescued yet!"
Q. What does CHAOS stand for?
A. Chiefs Have Arrived On Scene.
If H 2 0 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
K 9 P
How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change the bulb and 3 to chop a hole in the roof.
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon
full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.
Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.
The children began discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back, "said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs,"
she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
A Letter Of Gratitude?
Mrs. Midred Farquas
910 Smith Street
XXXXXXXX
Fire Chief
Fire Department
XXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXX
Dear Chief,
I am taking this opportunity to thank you for putting out the fire in my house
at 366 Lincoln Street, although you will note from the address above that I do
not live in the house any longer. I can see that a fire in the cellar is fairly
easy to put out. You just fill it up with water. Too bad my fire wasn't in the
cellar.
I was quite worried when the fire engines arrived, with all that confusion and
running around. My husband said, "it's a good thing it was daylight or there
might have been more accidents." I hope the man who fell off the fire engine
when it lurched in front of the house is all right. The other engine, the big
one, just missed running him over.
They really got the hose off the engine fast and piled it up in the middle of
the road and started looking for the ends. One man pulled out one end, put a big
spray nozzle on it and dashed into the house. Another man found the other end
and put a big nozzle on it and ran to the side of the house. Then they both
shouted to "start the water". How ingenious, I would have thought they would
have had to screw the hoses onto a hydrant or truck to get water out of them !
I felt so sorry for the man with the cap on who was left with the engine. He was
wringing his hands, pulling on knobs and, one would have thought that he almost
looked like he didn't know what else to do. He finally got into the engine and
drove it down the street out of sight.
I also felt sorry for the man in the white helmet who kept dropping his portable
radio and waving his arms a lot. Lucky for him it was a mild day so, when the
water from the hose hit him, he probably didn't catch a cold. After he found his
helmet, hand light and portable radio, he began waving his arms again but, since
I was so far away, I couldn't hear what he was saying. He seemed a might upset
and angry.
After a while, the smoke was getting blacker and blacker so, I thought it best
that I get some of my belongings out of the house. I was putting together some
of my most valued possessions when two men with tanks on their backs and masks
on their faces rescued me. You men are so thoughtful.
They were in an excitable state and talking incoherently through the masks. One
pointed to a door; I tried to warn them but, it was too late. They opened the
door to the closet and both charged in. I was able to get the bigger fellow out
without too much trouble but, the smaller man's tank was caught in the wall. He
certainly hit the wall hard and the big man was right behind him.
I immediately went to the window to attract attention. I know there was a lot of
men outside running around and yelling. Just then, the man with "Captain" on his
helmet and another man with "Battalion Chief" on his helmet, were running around
the house at top speed and collided head on. The "Battalion Chief" was furious;
the "Captain" didn't get up. It's a good thing that they moved him because
that's where the big metal ladder landed when it fell over.
In the excitement, someone had closed the closet door where the little man was
trapped and, it wasn't until a little bell started ringing on the man's tank
that anyone thought about him. You people certainly think of everything !
Imagine a bell on you that rings when you get caught in a closet.
They got the poor man out but he almost suffocated when they attempted to revive
him with the breathing machine. Three other people were turning knobs on the
bottles and the air hose while arguing about how to use it. Fortunately, the man
had enough strength to keep pushing the face mask off or he might have smothered
there and then.
By this time smoke was blanketing the neighborhood. I was most impressed when
your new ladder truck pulled up and the men raised the big ladder and chopped a
hole in the roof. My neighbor still wonders why they cut a hole in his roof
instead of mine but, I continue to tell him that he should shut up and leave the
firefighting to the professionals.
I went upstairs where it was very hot and smokey. I opened the windows and, it
wasn't too bad. Outside, men were struggling with a ladder which was caught up
in some electrical wires and branches. Someone had moved it, stranded a guy on
the roof and, they now were trying to get it back to him cause he couldn't get
down. They certainly were excited, dancing around with that ladder !
Then I heard a lot of noise coming from the stairway - hacking, coughing and
swearing. The language was awful ! A man exhorting the others, "get up there,
you @*#%&#@*, get up there !" Through the smoke, I could see a man lying near
the top step of the stairs. He shouted, "Hey Cap, there's a lady up here !" It
must have been "Cap" who yelled back, "Give her the line, maybe she can get a
shot at it and, watch you language, you @#$&*X$."
Because of the difficulty I had getting that big hose around, I would suggest
that the bigger men hold the hoses while the little guys run around with the
tools.
If you remember, after the fire was out, there was a rash of accidents. A man
wearing a white hat and, with more bugles than the others on his collar came
upstairs and berated the man with "Capt." on his hat for throwing debris out the
window without checking to see if someone was below. Shortly thereafter, there
were shouts to stop. The man with all the bugles had just been hit by a falling
sofa while walking along the side of the building.
The officer with "Safety" on his helmet was injured and almost drowned when he
fell through a hole in the floor and ended up in the flooded cellar. A chair had
been placed over the hole but the man in the white hat who had gotten wet
earlier made them move it because someone might have tripped over it. He then
told the man with "Safety" on his helmet that he was a dopey bastard anyway !
Such language !
A "Capt" was making a close examination of a wall when someone struck it with a
heavy tool from the other side. The "Capt" seemed okay but his helmet was wedged
on his head; they couldn't get it off. He also seemed somewhat shorter.
The man with the white hat became very pleasant, although he was still quite
wet. He told me how lucky I was and pointed out to my neighbors and myself the
importance of calling the Fire Department in case of a fire. Most big fires are
the result of delayed alarms. Imagine what would have happened had I waited to
call.
In closing, I would like to say that we haven't had so much excitement and
commotion around here since the little boy rang the false alarm and the big
ladder truck rolled backwards down the hill into the car with "Chief" painted on
it and the bell in front.
Thank you again for your efforts on my behalf and, I will try not to leave the
iron on the ironing board again.
Respectfully yours,
Mildred Farquas
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